


The Perils Of Being A Yarder

by afteriwake



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-26
Updated: 2013-02-26
Packaged: 2017-12-03 17:54:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/701034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afteriwake/pseuds/afteriwake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was oh so much that the assorted members of Scotland Yard would do to avoid having to work with Sherlock Holmes. Sometimes it was winning a contest or a bribe or a gift from the most revered person in the Yard, but only if you were lucky. Anderson knew this all too well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Perils Of Being A Yarder

**Author's Note:**

  * For [andrea_deer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/andrea_deer/gifts).



> This answers two separate prompts at the sherlockmas Afterglow Fest, "Anderson almost strained his wrist, when he fell of a chair during the grand office chair race. And Carl still has a scar from where the highest pyramid of office furniture fell on him. But then again no one said working for Scotland Yard is going to be easy" and "Whenever crime techs are called for DI Lestrade's investiagtion, which seems complicated and goes on for awhile, they know Sherlock Holmes will sooner or later get involved. That's why it's never easy to decide who will go. There are competitions and challenges and bribes, because at some point paper, rock and scissors stopped doing their job."

Anderson had decided long ago that all new recruits to Scotland Yard, no matter where they worked, should get a detailed warning about Sherlock Holmes. It was only the first time a new person worked with him that everyone got a break, and while it always looked suspicious that everyone would suddenly be busy if he was involved in a case the new people never realized it. But it only worked once, because after one case with Sherlock Holmes no one wanted another.

When it was all people who’d been at least one round with Holmes at the Yard and his name came up, there were all sorts of things to be done to get out of it. Rock paper scissor had stopped working long ago, and the things they did now…well, it was ludicrous and silly, but if it got you not having to work with Holmes then you were lucky. And of course, the poor sods who did end up having to work with him got taken out for a pint afterwards by the other luckier ones, where they could all commiserate over just how much of a bastard Holmes was.

They would always do these contests in advance, because no one ever knew when Lestrade or Dimmock or one of the others would pick up the phone and call Sherlock in for a consult. There was a race in the office one time, where everyone navigated the course in office chairs. Anderson fell out of his chair trying to avoid a collision with Matthew and ended up spraining his wrist. He got a pass that week, but got told as soon as the wrist healed and he was a hundred percent it would be his time with Holmes. He’d almost considered breaking his wrist on the way to the hospital just to put that time off.

Carl got hit by a stack of office furniture piled high against the wall. It had been Regina’s stack, and because it fell and injured someone she got Holmes duty the next time. Carl had a scar and Regina actually went off on Holmes that week. After that, with Regina’s job hanging by a thread for a while, no one insisted she work with him unless absolutely necessary. Some of the others bitterly complained, and a few more tried their hand at just erupting at Holmes and seeing if it got them a talking to or a suspension and the chance at not having to work with the insufferable git for a while. The next person got fired for actually taking a swing at Holmes. After that, no one was safe.

Sally didn’t get to escape. Sally had to put up with Holmes each and every time, and when they were alone Anderson heard all about it. The rest of the Yard looked at Sally with a kind of awe and respect reserved for celebrities. She had earned it, after all. Having to be subjected to Holmes time and again with no break? The women was a saint by Yard standards, and so if Sally wanted something Sally got it, no matter what it was. Sometimes she would wield this tremendous power for good, give some poor loser in the office contests a break and force someone who had irked her to go instead. Sometimes it worked for Anderson’s advantage, but most times it did not. After all, neither of them wanted to show favoritism towards each other.

And there were bribes, too. Anderson had gotten quite a sum of money from Leminski to cover for him. He said he was going to propose to his girlfriend that evening and he wanted nothing whatsoever to ruin his day. The promise of a thousand pounds and Leminski covering for him the next time he got assigned to a case with Holmes was almost enough to put up with the abuse heaped on him that day. Almost. And then Simmons had bribed him with a trip for two to Hawaii, airfare and hotel covered. That had been a nice escape from London in the middle of December, and that particular time Anderson hadn’t cared what abuse Holmes heaped on him.

Everyone in the office knew Holmes had it out for Anderson. Everyone knew that for some reason Holmes considered him the dumbest of the dumb, and the vitriol that Holmes would spew in his direction was at least twice as bad as what everyone else got. Anderson was lucky that he had everyone’s pity, because he could use it to his advantage. He’d had more people offer to trade, to take on his case with Holmes if Anderson would cover an extra shift or work longer during the day or do particularly nasty stuff, because everyone knew that one day Anderson was going to snap and for all they knew Holmes would be dead. It would be a solution to the problem, for sure, but everyone liked Anderson and no one wanted to see that day come more quickly.

The one time Anderson volunteered to have anything to do with Holmes was the day Lestrade said they were going to raid his flat. Actually, everyone had volunteered for that particular case. Whatever it was that Holmes had done had angered Lestrade greatly, and when nearly everyone in the office had wanted to come along Lestrade had actually looked confused. Of course, everyone at the Yard had gone to great pains to hide the extent of what they went through to avoid working with Sherlock from the Detective Inspectors, so they weren’t surprised that Lestrade looked so shocked. Sherlock Holmes had made enemies in the Yard, unbeknownst to Lestrade and the rest of them.

So when Sherlock Holmes jumped off the roof of St. Bart’s, there had been a slight sense of celebration among the Yard. They had all congregated at the usual pub, and had pint after pint as they recounted the abuse and the bad cases and all of that, and there had been hope that things would be easier from here on out. No more silly contests because ding dong, Holmes was dead, and he would never terrify or abuse any of them again. There was a sigh of relief throughout the Yard because now, now, things would be easier.

It was only the next morning, when nearly the entire Yard was hung over and back at work that it sunk in just how much harder things were actually going to be, because as much of an arse as Sherlock was he was brilliant, and he had made all of their lives easier in the fact that he solved cases. Now it was up to them to pull off the feats he had pulled off, and collectively, Scotland Yard rolled up their sleeves, dug their feet in, and got to work. They would prove to the world that they didn’t need Sherlock Holmes if it was the last thing they did.


End file.
